Gore gives the Nazi salute to an adoring press, using his left hand for good measure.Al Gore hopes to train 1,000 messengers he hopes will spread out across the country and present a slide show about global warming that captures the essence of his Hollywood documentary and book.
"I just felt that I can only do so much as one man to instil a sense of irrational fear and paranoia in the American public," Gore said Monday. "We must treat any and all evidence of climate change as signs of Armageddon, if only to net me more cash."
Gore's documentary, An Inconvenient Truth, has been praised by critics such as Roger Ebert. "Honestly, I had no idea that I as an individual had such an adverse impact on the environment," the veteran film reviewer admitted. "After seeing the film, I decided right then and there to cut my weekly intake of Taco Bell by 10%. We must all reduce our carbon emissions to protect Mother Earth!" Ebert then boarded his private jet as he bit the head off of a live baby seal.
Though seen as drastic by some, Mr. Gore's move is not unprecedented. In 1904, President Theodore Roosevelt threw William Jennings Bryan into a dank pit to prevent him from seeking the Democratic Presidential nomination that year. Attempts to convert Bryan into a Republican by beating him with a Cross of Gold failed, and Bryan successfully landed the nomination in 1908, only to be defeated by William "Slick Willie" Taft. Roosevelt then declared two hundred million acres of land Federally protected and went on an African safari.
The former Vice-President has vehemently denied that he is preparing to run for President in 2008, despite the ramblings of his wife, Tipper. "If he doesn't give me another one of those suffocating kisses like he did at the 2000 [Democratic National] Convention, then I give him my full support."
Regarding the effects of human activities on hurricane strength, Gore joked, "Well, considering how badly Florida treated me six years ago, I guess a little wind and flooding is kind of what-goes-around-comes-around, right?" The Denny's drive-through employee responded, "That's all well and good, but do you want fries with that?" The details of what Mr. Gore ordered were not immediately available at press time.
"I just felt that I can only do so much as one man to instil a sense of irrational fear and paranoia in the American public," Gore said Monday. "We must treat any and all evidence of climate change as signs of Armageddon, if only to net me more cash."
Gore's documentary, An Inconvenient Truth, has been praised by critics such as Roger Ebert. "Honestly, I had no idea that I as an individual had such an adverse impact on the environment," the veteran film reviewer admitted. "After seeing the film, I decided right then and there to cut my weekly intake of Taco Bell by 10%. We must all reduce our carbon emissions to protect Mother Earth!" Ebert then boarded his private jet as he bit the head off of a live baby seal.
Though seen as drastic by some, Mr. Gore's move is not unprecedented. In 1904, President Theodore Roosevelt threw William Jennings Bryan into a dank pit to prevent him from seeking the Democratic Presidential nomination that year. Attempts to convert Bryan into a Republican by beating him with a Cross of Gold failed, and Bryan successfully landed the nomination in 1908, only to be defeated by William "Slick Willie" Taft. Roosevelt then declared two hundred million acres of land Federally protected and went on an African safari.
The former Vice-President has vehemently denied that he is preparing to run for President in 2008, despite the ramblings of his wife, Tipper. "If he doesn't give me another one of those suffocating kisses like he did at the 2000 [Democratic National] Convention, then I give him my full support."
Regarding the effects of human activities on hurricane strength, Gore joked, "Well, considering how badly Florida treated me six years ago, I guess a little wind and flooding is kind of what-goes-around-comes-around, right?" The Denny's drive-through employee responded, "That's all well and good, but do you want fries with that?" The details of what Mr. Gore ordered were not immediately available at press time.
8 praise(s):
way to go. I'm sick of these leftist libs coming up with ways to drive the country into panic and fear when the economy is steadily improving, the war has taken a turn for the better, and Americans come to their senses and back the republican party. One thing is for sure, if a liberal enters the White House in 2008, all these problems will suddenly "disappear" and all will be grand in the US. These radical liberals are full of crap!!
Good stuff man. I'm not exactly sure where I stand politically, mostly on the fence, but I'm in agreement that everyone gets too paranoid about the environment. You know what environmentalists are really afraid of? Us dying off. Forget everything else. This planet has endured ice ages, meteor strikes, massive volcano eruptions, all sorts of fun stuff, and guess what? Life still exists. Short of blowing up the moon (which would throw off our orbit and spiral us into the sun eventually) or cracking open the earth's core and bleeding out all its heat into space, the planet will survive.
I dont kno anything about politics but im voting damian for president in 2040!!!!
al gore is fat.
Damian's incessant ramblings have a tendancy of making my life but he is also an unbelievable singer and has a 15 track cd of his greatest hits being released next month!
heh.. Sieg Heil, Herr Libtard!
"If mud is dirt plus water, what is clay?
A gay "American Idol" contestant."
???
I'M GOING TO HURT YOU!!!!!!
Al Gore is the mole!
Seriously though, guys, if we just ignore nature, maybe it will go away and leave us alone.
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