A candid shot of Girl Scouts in the larval or "Brownie" stage.Officials notified parents of nearly 1,000 Girl Scouts that their daughters may have been exposed to rabies at a Virginia camp.
"With all of the bird flu, West Nile virus, SARS, AIDS and ED going around, we just can't take the chance," Loudoun County Health Department Director David Goodfriend explained.
Several Girl Scouts were already found to be exhibiting signs of infection, officials said.
Sally Hayes, aged eight, had to be forcibly restrained and tasered when she began foaming at the mouth. It turned out that she had failed to wipe tooth paste from her mouth before police caught sight of her.
Jean Glock, aged fifteen, was shot on sight after she was found in a tie-dye tee shirt. "It's very simple," Goodfriend explained, "Hippies wear tie-dye and smoke pot, which in turn causes them to hallucinate. Hallucinations are a symptom of rabies infection. In light of this overwhelming evidence, we simply could not take the chance and allow a hippie to live. I mean, the smell alone would make more children sick."
Fear that the infection had spread to their most popular product has resulted in the Girl Scouts' recalling their most recent batches of cookies. Secretary of Health and Human Services Michael Leavitt ordered Sunday that "every Thin Mint, Samoa, Tagalong and Do-si-do be confiscated and all parties caught selling them be treated with extreme prejudice." The cookies will be sent to an undisclosed location and destroyed, and the same is true of all troops suspected of being infected.
"Make no mistake, these may seem like sweet, innocent girls with their hearts set on earning merit badges, but once infected, the little bitches can become merciless killing machines," Leavitt declared.
"With all of the bird flu, West Nile virus, SARS, AIDS and ED going around, we just can't take the chance," Loudoun County Health Department Director David Goodfriend explained.
Several Girl Scouts were already found to be exhibiting signs of infection, officials said.
Sally Hayes, aged eight, had to be forcibly restrained and tasered when she began foaming at the mouth. It turned out that she had failed to wipe tooth paste from her mouth before police caught sight of her.
Jean Glock, aged fifteen, was shot on sight after she was found in a tie-dye tee shirt. "It's very simple," Goodfriend explained, "Hippies wear tie-dye and smoke pot, which in turn causes them to hallucinate. Hallucinations are a symptom of rabies infection. In light of this overwhelming evidence, we simply could not take the chance and allow a hippie to live. I mean, the smell alone would make more children sick."
Fear that the infection had spread to their most popular product has resulted in the Girl Scouts' recalling their most recent batches of cookies. Secretary of Health and Human Services Michael Leavitt ordered Sunday that "every Thin Mint, Samoa, Tagalong and Do-si-do be confiscated and all parties caught selling them be treated with extreme prejudice." The cookies will be sent to an undisclosed location and destroyed, and the same is true of all troops suspected of being infected.
"Make no mistake, these may seem like sweet, innocent girls with their hearts set on earning merit badges, but once infected, the little bitches can become merciless killing machines," Leavitt declared.
6 praise(s):
Oh God! Not the cookies! Oh, the humanity!
Freakin' hippies.
Thank god for our police force. They work hard every day to make sure we're safe. Now I can rest easy knowing that the foaming hippy girl scouts won't show up in my bedroom.
So if I see a Girl scout out front of the "evil" wal-mart selling me cookies I should just open up and shoot them all, for the publics safety of course!
The really ironic thing is that I know exactly where this occurred...
You know, I always thought there was something a bit evil about those do-see-dos and thin mint cookies!
Girl Scouts are just a huge conspiracy.
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