Master Chief: The chemotherapy of gaming?Microsoft Corp. said on Thursday that its Halo 3 video game racked up worldwide sales of $300 million in its first week, making it one of the year's best sellers and helping to more than double sales of its Xbox 360 console.
"I don't care if it's over-priced, derivative and has a cropped single-player campaign, this is the best game EVER!" gamer Christoph Garvey shouted into his headset whilst fragging some noobs on Xbox Live. In real life, Christoph is a sophomore at a local community college in Baltimore, Maryland, but in the world of Halo, he is a god.
"I used to be really bad at multiplayer," the 19 year-old virgin admitted. "But once I gave up showering, I was really able to dedicate the time needed to play the game to its fullest," Christoph explained as his Depend undergarment began to yellow.
Not all gamers are as enthusiastic as Christoph, however. Diane Starkey is a rarity in the gaming world. A self-described "hard-core girl gamer," Diane was surprised that Halo 3 not only failed to rival the glory of the Second Coming of Christ, it failed to cure her colorectal cancer, which ironically was caused by an infection that resulted from the massive haemorrhoids she developed following a reportedly non-stop 48-hour gaming session of Halo 2.
"The worst part is that because the game doesn't serve any medical purpose, it's not tax-exempt," she fretted. "I not only blew 130 bucks on the Legendary Edition, I can't find the last freaking Skull! I want my damn Achievement Points, bitch!!!"
The United States Department of Health and Human Services released a report Saturday that there are no health benefits to playing Halo 3 and that if anything, prolonged play sessions could probably cause "a reduction in the smoothness of the gamer's eye, thus creating a square, television-like shape as opposed to the more spherical structure of the ocular organ."
But the most dedicated of fanboys laugh off the warnings with scorn. Christoph summed up their attitude thusly: "Those punks don't know s**t about our mad skillz. They're just jealous 'cause I'm number ten on the leaderboard for three days running. MOM, MORE CHEETOS!!!"
"I don't care if it's over-priced, derivative and has a cropped single-player campaign, this is the best game EVER!" gamer Christoph Garvey shouted into his headset whilst fragging some noobs on Xbox Live. In real life, Christoph is a sophomore at a local community college in Baltimore, Maryland, but in the world of Halo, he is a god.
"I used to be really bad at multiplayer," the 19 year-old virgin admitted. "But once I gave up showering, I was really able to dedicate the time needed to play the game to its fullest," Christoph explained as his Depend undergarment began to yellow.
Not all gamers are as enthusiastic as Christoph, however. Diane Starkey is a rarity in the gaming world. A self-described "hard-core girl gamer," Diane was surprised that Halo 3 not only failed to rival the glory of the Second Coming of Christ, it failed to cure her colorectal cancer, which ironically was caused by an infection that resulted from the massive haemorrhoids she developed following a reportedly non-stop 48-hour gaming session of Halo 2.
"The worst part is that because the game doesn't serve any medical purpose, it's not tax-exempt," she fretted. "I not only blew 130 bucks on the Legendary Edition, I can't find the last freaking Skull! I want my damn Achievement Points, bitch!!!"
The United States Department of Health and Human Services released a report Saturday that there are no health benefits to playing Halo 3 and that if anything, prolonged play sessions could probably cause "a reduction in the smoothness of the gamer's eye, thus creating a square, television-like shape as opposed to the more spherical structure of the ocular organ."
But the most dedicated of fanboys laugh off the warnings with scorn. Christoph summed up their attitude thusly: "Those punks don't know s**t about our mad skillz. They're just jealous 'cause I'm number ten on the leaderboard for three days running. MOM, MORE CHEETOS!!!"
5 praise(s):
HAHAHAHA.
It will aid in fertility, though.
Halo doesn't cure cancer? Way to ruin my illusions in life. Hilarious though, extremely hilarious!
LOL!!!
last part = godly
nice job Damian, i wouldn't expect any less of you
@sir andrew:
Yes, Halo 3 is very effective at curing the problem of fertility.
i guess the 3rd time is not the charm.
Speaking this overrated game that I never played, I saw a pretty funny game review
here
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