RNC: Day 3 (SARAH EDITION!)

11:13 My suite mate, Kyle, has instructed me to refer to the speech as "tits". I can neither condone nor condemn such remarks.

11:10 John McCain makes a surprise appearance, much like Barack Obama did at the DNC.

11:04 John McCain has the perspective which comes from being a P.O.W. He's just like many individuals whose names are on small-town war memorials, only he came home. Palin then recounts the friendship Mac had with a fellow P.O.W. She says she wants a man like him who can say, "We're going to pull through this." John McCain has inspired through his deeds. Join our cause, and help elect John McCain President of the United States!!!

11:01 Our nominee is basically the shit. John McCain doesn't want to fight, but he's not afraid of one. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid said, "I can't stand John McCain." That's a great accolade. Let's take the maverick out of the Senate and put him in the White House. The Presidency is not a job of personal discovery. This is not a community needing an organiser. Obama and Biden say they're fighting for you. Only one man here has actually fought for you - where failure means death.

10:55 Obama is likeable, but he's authored two memoirs and not a single piece of legislation. He can talk about the war and only say "victory" when he talks about his campaign. Haul back the Styrofoam columns to some studio lot. Obama is a pussy on foreign policy. Obama is awful on taxes - he will raise them all. My sister just opened a service station. How will you be better off if taxes go up? Some politicians use change to promote their careers. John McCain uses his career to promote change.

10:54 Drilling alone won't solve anything, the Democrats say. No shit. We know that. But we can't do nothing! We will also invest in alternative sources of energy.

10:49 When I became Governor, I put our jet on eBay. I love to drive myself to work. I fired the chef. I reformed by request, but veto if necessary. John McCain has promised to veto, and I assure you, it works. We have a surplus, and I have vetoed nearly half a billion dollars. Screw the Bridge to Nowhere! I sent that revenue back to the people of Alaska. I beat up the oil companies and demanded that the people get their due. We began a nearly $40 billion natural gas pipeline to lead America to energy independence. DRILL HERE, no more dangerous foreign oil! Americans can no longer afford high gas prices. We can no longer afford to get energy from places like Iran or Saudi Arabia or Venezuela. Take it from a girl who knows the North Slope of Alaska, we have plenty of gas and oil here!

10:48 We made Alaska teh awesome. It's back on the people's side, bitches!

10:46 Politics is about challenging the status quo and leaving this nation better than we found it. We are expected to govern with a servant's heart, and I promise I will as Vice-President of the United States.

10:45 Here's a little newsflash: I'm not going to Washington to seek their great opinion, I'm going to Washington to serve the people of this great country!

10:42 Before I became Governor of the great State of Alaska (ALASKA CHEERS) I was mayor of a small town. I guess being a small-town mayor is like being a community organiser - WHO DOES SHIT. We prefer candidates who DON'T speak one way in Scranton and then in San Francisco. That's John McCain. I've learnt if you're not a member of the Washington establishment, the media will dismiss you for that reason alone.

10:41 Sarah says how small-town Americans do awesome stuff and are always proud of America. What's the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull? LIPSTICK.

10:40 Sarah's parents are here! Represent!

10:37 Sarah introduces her family. We see little Trig! AWW!!! Sarah talks about special-needs children. "You will have a friend and advocate in the White House!" Sarah introduces the awesomeness that is her husband - she notes his Eskimo ancestry. NOICE.

10:35 The voters knew better. There's a time to campaign and a time to put our country first. John McCain wore the uniform for 22 years and stood by our soldiers. As the mother of one of those troops, Mac is the man I want for Commander-in-Chief. I'm proud of my son, Track, and nephew, Casey, for their service.

10:34 Props to Mac's "lose a campaign versus a war" line. The pollsters overlooked McCain's "sheer guts" when they wrote him off.

10:33 Props to John McCain. WHOO!

10:32 SARAH ACCEPTS THE NOMINATION FOR VICE-PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!!!

10:30 SARAH IS OUT!!!

10:27 How DARE they attack Governor Palin as a mother?! They would NEVER say that if she were a man! Republicans ended slavery, supported giving foreigners freedom, letting workers work, school choice and in America's success - a shining city on a hill. We can elect a great hero and American, along with a great woman and reformer! WHOO!!!

10:25 She's reduced taxes and government spending. She's kicked ass! She's an awesome Governor with an 80% approval rating! You don't get that in New York City! She took on corruption, even in her own Party! She stands up for what's right! She and Mac will shake up Washington!!!

10:23 John McCain has chosen Sarah Palin... FOR THE FUTURE! Governor Palin represents a new generation. She is the most successful Governor and the most popular! And she has more executive experience than the entire Democratic ticket combined! She's been a mayor. I'm sorry Barack Obama feels her town isn't cosmopolitan enough or flashy enough. Maybe they cling to religion there.

10:19 How often have politicians stood for something?! Obama has flip-flopped so much, Joe Biden should "get that VP thing in writing!" John McCain said he'd rather lose an election than a war. What did John McCain say? We are all Georgians! Obama decided to create a moral equivalency and referred to the U.N. Um, Russia has veto power on the Security Council. Next time, instead of parroting John McCain three days after the fact, CALL JOHN MCCAIN!!!

10:18 Democrats said the war was lost! MCCAIN WAS RIGHT ON IRAQ!!! BARACK OBAMA WAS WRONG!!!

10:15 John McCain will kick terrorist arse! Who is offended if we refer to Islamic terrorism? Islamic terrorists?! The Democrats barely talk about 9/11! If you ignore it, you can't face it! The Democrats gave up on Iraq - AND AMERICA!!!

10:15 "DRILL, BABY, DRILL!" the crowd shouts because Michael Steele - WHO ONLY C-SPAN COVERED - said it in his speech.

10:14 Let's get specific: John McCain will lower taxes! Economy will grow! He will strengthen the dollar! He will lead us to energy independence! Nuclear power! Off-shore oil drilling!

10:13 There is good change and bad change. Change is not a destination, just as hope is not a strategy.

10:11 McCain has led! This is no time for on-the job training! We agree with Joe Biden! Well, we did until he flip-flopped. We need to have someone who can answer that telephone at three in the morning. We agree with Hillary!

10:09 Obama spent most of his time as a celebrity Senator. His rise could happen only in America. But he hasn't run a damn thing! He has never had to lead people in crisis! "ZERO! ZERO!" McCain is the most prepared President in 100 years! Obama has lead nothing! Nada! "ZERO! ZERO!"

10:07 The other guy has an Ivy League education, worked as a community organiser and immersed himself in the Chicago machinery. He voted "Present" because it was too tough to pick Yes or No! Rudy didn't have that vote as a Mayor, and neither did Sarah as Mayor or Governor! You can't just be "present" as President! "ZERO! ZERO!"

10:04 Rudy says to consider this election like a job. The job involves protecting your family, the party affiliations are crossed out, and the men are both patriotic individuals. One guy has passed every test in the service of his country (John McCain). Even more praise of McCain's service. Forceful and eloquent. "He has proved his commitment with his blood." McCain could have lived as a regular guy, but he chose to be a "foot-soldier in the Reagan Revolution".

10:02 Rudy is here! He says that for once, this really is the most important election in our life-time.

9:58 Sarah will be a great Vice-President! YEAH!!!

9:56 Sarah is a social conservative and a fiscal hawk. Sen. McCain is a maverick! Washington is broken! Mac picked an outsider and reformer!

9:55 Alaska? Small? Last I checked, they have just as many electoral votes as Delaware. You could fit 250 Delawares within Alaska! SO THERE, BITCHES!!!

9:53 Governors are C.E.O.s - As such, Sarah is a great choice! Whoo!

9:52 Linda got attacked for just being a Mayor like Sarah was. Well, neither Obama nor Biden has ever held an executive position. The audience is shouting "ZERO! ZERO!"

9:47 Gov. Lingle tells about Sarah's story regarding Trig and her bad-ass-ness in running for Governor. "Put simply, Sarah is a leader and a winner!"

9:44 Linda Lingle, Governor of Hawai'i, is giving props to Sarah! The Palins' first commitment to fiscal responsibility was by eloping. They have five children and one grandchild along the way. She's also an AWESOME person.

9:37 More about how John McCain is a hero who can't raise his arms. Huckabee tells a great story using school desksabout how soldiers have given us everything we take for granted. John McCain helped us get our school desks, so let's give him the desk in the White House.

9:32 Growing up in Arkansas, our heroes were Jesus, Elvis and FDR, not necessarily in that order. I didn't know showers weren't supposed to hurt until college. I'm not a Republican because I was born rich. I am because I don't want to wait on the Government to make me rich. I am tired of hearing about Sarah Palin's inexperience. She got more votes running for Mayor of Wasilla, Alaska than Joe Biden did running for President of the United States!

9:28 Mike Huckabee says he's seen racism first hand. We must note how historic Obama's nomination is. But the Presidency is not a symbolic job. He notes that Obama visited Europe - where people who don't pay taxes support him. European ideas suck. Americans want less Government, just like Abraham Lincoln said, or something.

9:27 "I was originally hoping for a slot called the acceptance speech." But Mac's his second choice. He thanks the "elite media" for unifying the Republican Party.

9:26 Huckabee time!

9:18 Mitt wraps up. God Bless America, and all that jazz.

9:15 John McCain believes radical, violent Islam is evil, and he will defeat it! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! Americans prefer straight talk to politically-correct talk!

9:14 More nuclear and more drilling! YEEEEEAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!! And let's keep Al Gore's private jet on the ground.!

9:13 John McCain and Sarah Palin's economic policy = Ronald Reagan.

9:12 Liberals hate families and opportunity. Liberals love Big Brother Government.

9:08 Starting a bit late, folks. Michael Steele delivered a rousing speech, and Mitt Romney is speaking now. He's saying everything about liberals sucks.