Primary predictions put punctilious pollsters on pin-points, PART PACH (That's Bangla for Five)!!!

All right, kiddies! This is the last major contest before Super Tuesday (which includes New York, yea!), and so this is purty big.

Hillary wins for the Dems, and we need air to breathe. Also, your mom is easy.

Okay, now, as for the Republicans...

McCain. It's McCain. Polls are tight but show that he has the edge. The crazy-popular Governor, Charlie Crist, has endorsed him, and Cuban-Americans are defecting from Rudy to Mac. Romney will finish a close second. I know my track record has been a little bit meh lately (and FYI, I was so sad about Fred! struggling that I put almost no effort into predicting South Carolina), but I think that the factors are working in McCain's favour. Also, early voting shows McCain and Romney are leading, so Rudy's hopes of winning or at least placing strongly through that are nil.

And I'll bet you dollars to doughnuts Rudy is out of the race if he places poorly, which he will.

UPDATE: I'm psychic, bitches.

Live-Blogging the President's last State of the Union.

10:26 - She says that the President should "join the new American majority". But till then, God bless, sleep well and let's get to work in the morning. The response ends. And so does my coverage. Good night! FLORIDA IS TOMORROW!!!

10:24 - She finally gets critical and says that "the last five years have cost us dearly", especially the suffering of "our wounded warriors". She says we have lost valuable allies. She says, "Join us [Democrats], Mr. President."

10:23 - So far, she's largely talking about how bipartisanship is awesome and that Democrats have achieved a minimum wage hike and reduced college costs. We need to help the environment, amongst other things. She has visited troops as well as their funerals.

10:17 - DEMOCRATIC RESPONSE: Kathleen Sebelius, Kansas Governor delivers it.

10:14 - Charles Krauthammer says the President has essentially given up on nuclear nonproliferation. Brit Hume says that we arguably have accomplished much with North Korea, so it was perhaps not deemed worthy of the State of the Union. Also, they talk about how many Democrats - such as Barack Obama - released statements critical of the State of the Union BEFORE the speech. Krauthammer calls this a "pre-buttal". They look at the tape to see if Nancy Pelosi made mouth movements when Mr. Bush spoke about troop withdrawals. It appears she barely did, if at all.

10:12 - Brit Hume notes that Mr. Bush and Barney Frank (D-MA) had a surprisingly friendly exchange. Nina Easton said that they have worked closely together.

10:11 - Mort Kondracke notes that the school-choice-for-poor-kids part of the speech was the "compassionate conservative" part of the speech.

10:10 - FNC contributor Fred Barnes said that the speech will eventually be forgotten, but he was surprised by the heavy focus on Iraq as well as the taxes joke.

10:09 - Someone asks Mr. Bush, "How are ya gonna give a rebate to those who never even gave a 'bate?" He is clearly a Southern Republican.

10:07 - The President gets his thank yous, hand-shakes, "Good/great job, sir/Mr. President!" many times. One woman said, "Your speech made me proud to be an American!" Brit Hume notes that he is signing the invitations to the State of the Union.

10:03 - The President says we honour our veterans. He notes that a key revision when we draughted our second and final Constitution was changing "We the Undersigned Delegates" to "We the People". The State of the Union ends! He received 70 rounds of applause, and the speech lasted 53 minutes.

10:00 - The President says we must support our veterans and to follow Sen. Bob Dole and Secretary Donna Shalala's recommendations. Bipartisan applause. Also, must support for the ability of military spouses to give their benefits to their children.

9:58 - Cuba, Belarus and Burma (note: not Myanmar) should be free. He says that America is leading the fight against global poverty and hunger." Mr. Bush says we should buy crops from Third World farmers and that we must support aid to countries such as malaria relief. We see an African woman holding a freaking adorable child wearing a leopard-print outfit.

9:56 - Mr. Bush says, "America opposes genocide in Sudan." What a controversial position! ;-)

9:55 - As Mr. Bush talks about the various terrorist plots we have foiled, we see Attorney General Mukasey. Bipartisan applause.

9:53 - Mr. Bush says that we have nothing against the people of Iran, but to their leaders, quit your (SIGH!) nuculer programmes and give your peeps their freedom. Bipartisan applause.

9:52 - The President says that Mahmoud Abbas is a good President and that the time has come for a Palestinian State. Bipartisan applause. We see Condi Rice again.

9:51 - Mr. Bush says that the Iraqis are finally "taking control of their future". Republicans applaud. The President says that leaving Iraq would let it be a puppet of Iran and an al Qaeda launching pad. He says, "We will not rest until this enemy has been defeated." Bipartisan applause. He says that we must do hard work now so that future generations will say that this generation rose to the test.

9:48 - Mr. Bush says that we are slowly leaving Iraq, and 20,000 troops will soon be home. Bipartisan applause. He says that we must not leave Iraq so early after all we have achieved, thus leaving the country a mess.

9:46 - The President speaks directly to the troops and says that "in the fight ahead, you will have all you need to protect our Nation." Congress springs to their feet like rubber bands. The President tells Congress to fully fund our troops. Mostly Republicans applaud (it is a slap at bills with withdrawal time-lines).

9:44 - Mr. Bush gets a loud cheer when he says that "al Qaeda is on the run in Iraq" and "will be defeated". After the bipartisan applause, an "OO-RAH!" is heard.

9:42 - The President says that the surge's results would have been unheard of a year ago. Only Republicans stand to applaud. We see Sen. Joe Biden (D-DE).

9:40 - Mr. Bush talks about Afghanistan and now talks about the surge. He talks up its success and says that our troops are kicking arse. Longest bipartisan applause of the night.

9:38 - The President says we are spreading freedom so that people have that option.

9:37 - Mr. Bush says that more people are free, such as Iraqis with ink-stained fingers. We also have seen suffering as a result of terrorist violence. He says that we will continue to take the fight to them. Bipartisan applause.

9:34 - Mr. Bush says we must secure the border but also allow foreign workers here. He says that something "humane" must be done with those already here illegally. Bipartisan applause.

9:33 - The President says that we must stop entitlement spending.

9:32 - The President supports "charitable choice". He says that New Orleans will be amongst the cities helped. We see Sen. Mary Landrieu (D-LA).

9:30 - Mr. Bush says that constructionist judges should be given an up-or-down vote. We see the Supreme Court again.

9:29 - The President notes that last November, the ability to make adult skin cells act like embryonic stem-cells was achieved. He supports restrictions that protect human life, such as banning cloning. Surprisingly, most stand and applaud.

9:28 - Mr. Bush says "global climate change" needs to be fought. We see Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY). He supports doubling research into the physical sciences.

9:27 - Mr. Bush supports making India and China clean up their act and reducing greenhouse gases, which Democrats applaud slightly more vigorously than Republicans.

9:26 - The President talks about cleaner power, including (sigh) nuculer power.

9:25- Mr. Bush says that Colombia is a friend that is fighting violence and drug traffickers. Again, it is mostly Republicans who applaud his support of free trade.

9:24 - Mr. Bush supports free-trade agreements, congratulating a Peru bill. He calls for Colombia, Panama and South Korea to follow suit. We see Commerce Secretary Gutierrez. He says that items should enter America duty-free, and that we need more products that read "Made in the U.S.A."

9:22 - The President supports faith-based and other private schools and Pell grants for children. Republicans applaud.

9:21 - Mr. Bush says that expanding insurance requires more consumer choice, not more Government control. We must end frivolous lawsuits. He touts No Child Left Behind's results, especially in minority test-score results. We see Secretary of Education Margaret Spellings, I believe. Only Republicans applaud the law, despite the President's calling the law bi-partisan.

9:19 - My friend notes that, at least on C-SPAN, Charlie Rangel (D-NY) is reading a book whilst the President speaks. (UPDATED: He was most likely reading the printed version of the speech as the President gave it. My apologies to Mr. Rangel.)

9:18 - Mr. Bush says that he will remove $18 billion worth of useless programmes. He says that if ordinary Americans have to balance their budgets, so should their Government. He says that half of all earmarks must be gone or a bill gets a veto. He will send an executive order that Federal agencies are to ignore earmarks not voted on by Congress.

9:16 - Mr. Bush says that the tax cuts must not expire. He says that some would be willing to pay more. "The IRS takes both cheques and money orders." He says the tax cuts must remain. Just Republicans stand and cheer. He says any tax bill that reaches his desk will be vetoed.

9:14 - Mr. Bush says that the economy is mixed: 52 straight months of job growth, but less lately. Wages up as well as prices. Exports up but the housing market hurting. He discusses the economic stimulus package. He says that it is unacceptable to "load up the bill", thus delaying it.

9:12 - Mr. Bush begins noting that he first stood before Congress seven years ago and says that they have met the call to debate key issues. He even plugs his book: "It remains our charge to keep." He says that both parties should compete for votes whilst working for results.

9:09 - Ms. Pelosi introduces Mr. Bush. Half cheer wildly, half applaud politely.

9:08 - Mr. Bush shakes hands with Vice-President Cheney and Speaker Pelosi, giving them each a manila envelope.

9:06 - The President arrives. Many shake hands "both sincere and polite" as Brit Hume notes. Contributor Nina Easton states that this will not be a legacy-building speech; it will be a forwards-looking one. As usual, Sheila Jackson-Lee (D-TX) makes sure she is on the President's aisle to shake his hand.

9:04 - Basically, there will be little new in the address. We briefly see Senator Ted Kennedy (D-MA). The President will reassure the Nation that we are not headed for a recession but that tough times do lay ahead. Obviously, the stimulus package will be a major topic.

9:01 - We see Secretary of Labour Elaine Chao.

9:00 - The President's Cabinet enters. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice leads the way, followed by Treasury Secretary Paulson.

8:59 - First Lady Laura Bush and her daughters arrive. This is apparently the first time that the twins have been present for Mr. Bush's State of the Union address.

8:57 - The Supreme Court enters. I only see Chief Justice Roberts and Associate Justices Kennedy, Breyer and Alito. Remember that Roberts and Alito are Bush nominees.

8:56 - Some dude named Chad Pergram is talking about peeps in the gallery. It looks quite crowded, as one would expect.

8:55 - Brit Hume gets his coverage on.

OBAMA SWEEPS SC; IN OTHER NEWS, SKY BLUE.

Barack Obama crushed top rival Hillary Clinton in the South Carolina Democratic primary Saturday, in a decisive victory that could reinvigorate his campaign after suffering back-to-back losses to the New York senator.

Yep, Messiah, Glacier, Silky. No-one doubted it, including me.

ON TO FLORIDA!

I'm a saaaaad panda.

Today I have withdrawn my candidacy for President of the United States. I hope that my country and my party have benefited from our having made this effort. Jeri and I will always be grateful for the encouragement and friendship of so many wonderful people.

-Fred Dalton Thompson
January 22, 2008

Primary predictions put punctilious pollsters on pin-points, PART FOUR!!!

Huh. Apparently Republicans vote early. Who'da thunk it? I thought Romney would win it, and if you don't believe me, well then, screw you. :-)

I think Hillary gets Nevada. I really don't think that opening casinos will help Obama that much, and from what I can tell, Hispanic voters aren't really warming to Obama. It'll be close, but I think Hillary will win.

In South Carolina, Mike Huckabee gets it. The weather is terrible, and that is never good for McCain's voters. I think that Fred! will come in a very close third, perhaps even rivalling McCain for second. And he will - AND BETTER - stay in the race.

* * *

UPDATE: CALLED NEVADA, BITCHES!

UPDATE 2: I'M WRONG - MAC IS BACK!

Primary predictions put punctilious pollsters on pin-points, PART TRES!!!

So, the Democrats basically have no race in Michigan because Obama and Silky are off the ballot. Barring a surge for "Uncommitted", I think it's pretty safe to say that Hillary is winning this one.

Now, the Republicans have a little horse race goin' on! I think Mitt gets this one. Republicans are breaking for him, but indies are going for Mac. Bad weather may make McCain supporters stay home, but Michigan is known for its less-than-stellar weather, so that may be a non-issue for its residents. Mitt has the favourite-son thing going for him, but Mac has seen a big, big boost in support after his five-point New Hampshire win (which I totally called, BTW). The one thing that may hurt Mitt is Huck supporters. Even if Mac's peeps don't show up in force, any major Huck support - especially in the evangelical western part of the State - could mar Mormon Mitt's shot at winning his first primary (Wyoming was a caucus, people).

* * *

UPDATE: CALLED IT!

I talk with Alan Colmes!

I called in to "The Alan Colmes Show" within the past hour, and Sir Andrew was kind enough to record it!

Ron Paul disavows bigoted statements written on campaign blimp.

"See, I love minorities! I even touch them!"

2008 Republican Presidential candidate Ron Paul has been mired in a controversy surrounding bigoted statements made in a newsletter distributed under his name. However, a lesser-known controversy involves the Ron Paul blimp (no, not Alex Jones).

Dr. Paul's supporters have dubbed his candidacy the "Ron Paul REVOLution", reversing the letters EVOL to form the word "love", a reference to the years when Dr. Paul practised his love with women as an OB/GYN. They have also raised millions of dollars through "money bombs", in which Paul backers all dip into their pot funds to donate to his campaign over the course of one day.

Unfortunately for the Texas Congressman, his supporters' latest endeavour, a large blimp with the messages "Who is Ron Paul?" and "Google Ron Paul" written on the side. has come under scrutiny thanks to the more "colourful" language found on the dastardly dirigible.

Indeed, politically-incorrect slogans such as: "There are no chinks in Dr. Paul's plan... or Dr. Paul's America"; "No suffrage for Negroes"; and "Wie können wir lösen die Jüdenfrage?" have appeared on the side of the blimp, which is white.

Dr. Paul's supporters have brushed off objections to the blimp by donating an estimated $867 jillion dollars to the campaign, a fund-raising record and a numerical impossibility. On his Web site, Dr. Paul's followers have left messages of support including: "They say that Barack Obama is a champion of change, but Dr. Paul is just so much more pure"; "Everyone I know supports you Dr. Paul, as do most of the voices in my head"; and "9/11 was an inside job."

It is not yet confirmed whether Dr. Paul intends to continue to allow the blimp to represent him, but upon hearing that there was such an uproar over the offensive messages, Dr. Paul immediately contacted Stormfront and apologised to their membership for any suffering they may have endured as a result of the ordeal.

Picture courtesy of Sir Andrew.

South Carolina FNC Debate... Now with 100% more Ron Paul!

10:35 Hannity & Colmes is (are?) on. I'm outee.

10:34 - Giuliani grilled on his sanctuary city policy. He says it worked. Crime was down. We need more border patrol, he says. And he goes over his time.

10:32 - Huckabee says the stupidest thing ever: Well, we didn't have to round up illegals to get them here, we won't have to do that to get them home! WHAT THE FUCK?!

10:31 - Paul brushes off notion that opposing illegal immigration will hurt the Hispanic vote. He says we must think about illegal immigration in economic terms. He notes we have border guards in Iraq. Natch.

10:29 - Fred!: We have a wide gate. We determine when we open and close it. Prosecute illegals' employers. Cut off Federal funding for sanctuary cities. Goes after McCain for the shamnesty bill. Goes after Huckabee for in-State tuition for illegals' kids.

10:27 - Romney gets applause for his position. Illegals must get in line IN THEIR OWN COUNTRIES. Noice.

10:25 - McCain grilled on illegal immigration: What do we do AFTER we secure the border. He says we must be "humane" and secure the borders first. Cites missing marine whose wife was about to be deported.

10:21 - Paul snarkily asked about his electability. Paul says, we've just had two primaries (actually two caucuses and one primary, one in which you heavily invested and still came in fifth), and you're writing me off?! I'm so conservative, and everyone hates me, and what's that shiny thing with the lens staring at me?!

10:18 - Huckabee asked about Baptist position on wives. Huckabee says the simple fact is, he will practise his Faith, and if anyone knows Janet Huckabee, he knows she won't take any crap from her husband! Har har!

10:16 - McCain says he lead a REALLY BIG squadron, so he's a patriot with experience and judgement.

10:15 - Giuliani notes his leadership as Mayor.

10:13 - Huckabee says welfare reform only worked when Governors helped make it work.

10:12 - Fred! hits Huckabee's record and touts his own, noting especially Huck stating "on another network" that he would not sign a tax pledge, only to sign one.

10:10 - Wallace FINALLY hits Huckabee on his net-tax increase. He says the court made his do stuff and stuff.

10:08 - McCain is asked to respond to Romney's slight that "he is Washington". McCain says just how awesome he will be as President and how he will kill foreigners.

10:07 - Romney is asked if people want "Washington experience". So, predictably, Romney touts his Massachusetts successes. The more you know.

10:02 - Fred! gets in a quick jab at Huckabee over Pakistan before FNC goes to break.

10:01 - Rudy condemns Paul's remarks as "absurd". Again, I stopped paying attention.

10:00 - Paul says we treat Israel as a step-child who we must treat like an adult. He says he supported Israel's attack on a nuclear reactor in the 1980's.

9:59 - Huckabee addresses Paul regarding Israel, saying we must support our ally.

9:57 - Romney makes a great, untapped point. We must change the World of Islam by emphasising moderates and stopping funding to Wahabbi schools. That way, we can stop fighting these sorts of wars.

9:55 - Fred! says you know Iraq is going well because you read so little about it in the New York Times. He says we must pressure Musharraf to help us because of al Qaeda and nuclear weapons and what-not.

9:53 - Paul basically says we shouldn't be in the Middle East. I'm too tied of his to post details. McCain and he have a spat. He says that all al Qaeda wants to trade is burqas. Heh.

9:49 - Giuliani says he supported the surge, too; McCain says, says, but he criticised Rummy.

9:47 - McCain is asked if Republicans can survive if there are more troops in Iraq. McCain says the progress there can not be ignored. McCain again notes that he was a critic of Rumsfeld. A solid answer over-all.

9:45 - Romney says that Paul should stop reading Ahmadinejad's press releases. The rest is boring.

9:43 - Paul sounds like Rosie O'Donnell. This is just another Gulf of Tonkin. The Administration was furious that the NIE stated there were no weapons. Blah, blah, blah. Hume humiliates Paul by noting that every other candidate agreed with the passive response, causing laughter. Paul soils himself and burns a cross.

9:41 - McCain supports Freedom of the Seas. He agrees with the commanding officers' decisions. He says Iranians had better understand that we support F of the S, bitch.

9:39 - Giuliani says something forgettable.

9:38 - Fred! wise-cracks that he would send the terrorists to their virgins to great laughter and says he agrees with the Governor.

9:36 - Huckabee talks about the recent Iran-American Navy scuffle. He says that the response was appropriate, and that they are ready to send the bad guys to the gates of Hell. Raucous applause. Huckabee defends the split-second decisions our commander must make.

9:32 - In an arguably stupid move, Carl Cameron asks Ron Paul about his 9/11 Truther support, neglecting the Reagan Revolution questions. Paul says such rhetoric does not do him any good. He asks to talk about that subject, which gets crazy-people applause. Paul condemns Republican support of entitlements and nation-building and world-policing, which we held against the Democrats in 2000.

9:29 - Giuliani says he a conservative in terms of his support of peace through strength. He says social issues are only a source of disagreement in terms of methods, not goals. He says we must try to make Blue States competitive.

9:27 - Huckabee defends himself, starting with a joke, which gets applause, and is again applauded when he's done. If you want details, check the transcript. I'm not helping him.

9:26 - HOLY SHIT! FRED! IS TAKING ON HUCKABEE! He says some Republicans are for the Reagan Revolution but others are fiscal and foreign policy liberals. And I just wet myself out of fear and excitement. And the first applause of the night. AWESOME.

9:24 - Romney says that abortions were required as part of Government health care by the court, not the legislature.

9:22 - McCain is being a bitch and basically saying that not praying to Al Gore, we are betraying Teddy Roosevelt. Oh, and don't spend on a bridge to nowhere.

9:20 - They're talking about the fate of Reagan Conservatism. Huckabee says protect marriage and be conservative.

9:18 - Fred! tells Giuliani that his plan is a rip-off of his own. He also says a bunch of things that confuse my tiny, smooth brain.

9:16 - Paul basically says we've put off a major recession, that the housing market is in a depression, that interest rates are artificially low (which causes the bubble) and that he has messed himself.

9:14 - As expected, McCain given a rebuttal. He says that the tax cuts must be made permanent. He claims that if only we'd cut spending, we'd have MORE tax cuts today.

9:13 - Giuliani asked about his support for "the biggest tax cut in history". He says the Club for Growth approved it, which is a subtle slap at Huckbaee. Notes that spending must be cut along with taxes, which should take the wind out of McCain's sails.

9:10 - Huckabee asked about Michigan commercial in which he says people don't want a President like the guy who laid them off. He notes multiple costs, such as health care, and touts the FairTax.

9:09 - McCain says we must stop giving money to oil-giving terror-sponsors. Boasts of pork-busting prowess. Says he is known as "Sheriff", not "Miss Congeniality", which is creepy.

9:07 - McCain says job training is needed and that we are in a "rough patch" but not heading for a recession.

9:05 - Mitt boasts about the Massachusetts economy, saying lower taxes and energy independence are teh awesome.

9:04 - Um, Mitt? We have to hit a recession sometime. It's called an economic cycle.

9:03 - Fred! and the others are introduced. Interestingly, the candidates are introduced in order from the one I like most (Fred!) to the one I like least (Crank).

9:02 - The National Anthem is being sung by country music people. One thing I love combined with one thing I hate... Perhaps we'll find a nice mediocre mean?

9:00 - Let's do this.

WTF?! THE WEEPY WITCH WINS.

Hillary Clinton won the New Hampshire Democratic presidential primary Tuesday, edging out rival Barack Obama by a few points even after the campaign itself had been girding for a second consecutive defeat earlier in the day.

TOTAL MCCAIN PWNAGE.

John McCain has won the New Hampshire Republican Presidential primary, beating out rival Mitt Romney by a comfortable margin.

Primary predictions put punctilious pollsters on pin-points, PART DEUX!!!

A'ight, bitches. It's own.

Let's all just save our breath, shall we? Obama wins it for the Dems, then Clinton, then Silky. If you want specifics, I doubt Obama will win in a major double-digit blow-out, but I'll bet he wins by at least seven points but no more than ten or eleven at most. Yes, it's a cop-out, but Independents love messing up races.

Now, the Republican race is more, shall we say, fluid. I'm giving this one to McCain. I fell for Romney's last minute surge last time, and I sha'n't be tricked again! Regardless, it will be close: McCain will be lucky if he wins by five points. Romney gets second, and Huckabee snags third. And, as if it matters, Giuliani beats Ron Paul by a hair, which will be humiliating for the good Doctor given just how "libertarian" and "independent" the State allegedly is as well as his heavy investment here.

Live-Blogging the New Hampshire GOP Debate

10:04 - Huckabee is religious and stuff. ANNNNND, that's it. Hannity & Colmes is on, so my live-blogging is over.

10:01 - Wallace: McCain doesn't want to be a dick when he's ahead.

9:59 - Barnes: Hillary needs money and the black vote, and she's losing both.

9:58 - Easton: Hillary isn't emphasising change, she's emphasising her readiness to lead.

9:57 - Kristol: Perhaps people just don't want to vote for Hillary.

9:56 - Kondracke: Hillary needs to do to Obama what Mondale did to Gary Hart and ask, "Where's the beef?" Mmm... Beef...

9:55 - Major Garrett: Clips of Hillary Clinton dissing other candidates.

9:50 - Romney got a ratings sky-rocket when he attacked amnesty, with Conservatives hitting 95.

9:49 - Romney got a GREAT response in the 80's for saying Washington is broken, with Moderates hitting 90 at the end.

9:48 - Frank Luntz and his audience lines are here!

9:47 - Kondracke: Romney got the message that people don't like the economy. Bush's tax cuts aren't popular.

9:46 - Kristol: Everyone did fine, including Fred!, Fred. Let's have a McCain-Romney ticket, but they hate each other.

9:45 - Easton: Romney, no more hair jokes. McCain, stop winking. Giuliani, what happened to the front-runner?!

9:42 - Barnes: Romney, good. McCain, fine. Huckabee, too defensive. Fred!, struggling to stay in the race.

9:41 - FOX All Stars! Fred Barnes, Nine Easton, Bill Kristol and Mort Kondracke in da house!

9:38 - Carl Cameron gives his usual relatively worthless analysis. There, I said it.

9:37 - New Hamsphire Republicans don't like Huckabee's religious openness. They think Obama will be the nominee but Romney can beat him.

9:36 - FUCK NEW HAMPSHIRE!!! FRED! WAS NOT THE WEAKEST!!! YOU ALL SUCK BALLS!!!

9:35 - ANALYSIS!!! Focus group says Romney won them over. Ron Paul supporters in the window. One sign reads: FOX NEWS: UNFAIR, UNBALANCED. How much is that doggy for sale...? Huckabee waffled, they felt.

9:33 - McCain: We need leadership in this time of war and to reach out to independents. And I'd like to thank the people of New Hampshire for giving me a totally unrealistic opportunity at winning this thing.

9:32 - Romney: I love kids and am concerned about the America they will inherit. So, let's fix Washington and make the future bright, or something.

9:30 - Huckabee: I'm pro-life, pro-gun, pro-family, anti-Government... And I bring SOLUTIONS, people.

9:29 - Fred!: I won in Tennessee twice by twenty points in a State Bill Clinton carried twice. My record is fucking perfect, and if you challenge it you hate my children. Or something like that.

9:28 - Giuliani: I worked with a Democratic city, so I can work with a Democratic country. Fix health care and kill terrorists.

9:26 - Huckabee: I love McCain's mom.

9:26 - McCain joke about not running for an eight-year term doesn't mean he's pledging one term. Invokes Reagan. Sigh...

9:25 - Giuliani: I own up to my mistakes, so it's okay if I make them.

9:24 - Giuliani apologises his philandering and Bernie Kerik. Oh, and I did good stuff, so my record has pros and cons. Give Americans choices, because choices are AWESOME.

9:22 - Romney: I'm not the only person who has changed his mind (FLIP-FLOPPED) on a position. I apologise for being pro-abortion. I'm going to poke fun at others because it's politics. Ads are only 30 seconds, so it's okay to omit context!

9:21 - Huckabee: I denied 90% of all pardons. My State was AWESOME when I left it, and I had high approval ratings.

9:19 - Romney BSes and says don't touch his hair. Nice dye job, Slick.

9:17 - Huckabee: Let's be more civil in politics.

9:16 - McCain: "I don't think [attack ads] work." BUT I USE THEM ANYWAY.

9:14 - Attack ads played.

9:11 - Fred! says he's been totally awesome on illegal immigration before Romney, Giuliani and Huckabee. When the Mexican President attacks OUR policies, maybe he should look at his own country and how we help it and then promptly suck it.

9:08 - Giuliani says he treated illegals humanely and turned over a bunch to the Feds. Reagan made a mistake. !!! We need a comprehensive solution that begins with tough border security.

9:06 - Huckabee keeps dodging question about illegals. Fix border and no amnesty, not. Even Ronald Reagan made a mistake. OH NO HE DI'INT!!!

9:05 - Wallace: Isn't your new immigration plan harmful to illegals' kids? Huckabee: We don't put children for parent's crimes and they can't live in the shadows. I won't answer any questions from anyone other than the moderator, even if the moderator was about to ask the question. Well, I just have to educate children, illegal or not! And build a border fence!

9:02 - McCain: (SIGH!) Romney said it wasn't amnesty back in 2005. So, suck on that! Let's move beyond this, people.

9:01 - Romney: Amnesty for illegals isn't fair to legal immigrants. In 2003, McCain said amnesty needs to be part of fixing the problem.

8:59 - Wallace: Isn't McCain's plan amnesty with some penalties? McCain: Well, some people would have to leave, and you needed a job to stay. We have to fix our broken borders first with the help of border Governors, then we can address the illegal alien problem. Be humane: A soldier whose mum is illegal shouldn't have her deported.

8:57 - McCain: Good intelligence will get bin Laden, and lots of State Secretaries and military people like me.

8:56 - Romney says Gitmo detainees treated too well. Fred! says Gitmo detainees shouldn't come here and get undeserved rights to Huckabee.

8:54 - Fred! smacks Romney on lax attitude to knowledge of National Security. Calmly but awesomely back-hands Huckabee on closing down Gitmo. Says, didn't Ted Kennedy support Romney's health-care plan? Yes? "I rest my case."

8:51 - Giuliani: My Mayorship encompassed more than 9/11. REALLY? That's news to us, 9/11.

8:49 - "Governors make good Presidents because they have run a microcosm of the country." Mmm... SAT word-licious...

8:48 - Wallace asks Huckabee if he is prepared to be Commander-in-Chief. Huckabee says he went to 41 countries, and America needs to be strong and powerful and bad-ass.

8:46 - Romney is like, Dude! I was a Governor during Iraq! LEAVE ME ALONE!!! I'M A HUMAN!!!

8:44 - McCain laughs at own joke that not every Governor President was so good. (COUGH!) Carter and Clinton! (COUGH!) McCain evokes Reagan, the Communist fighter. Again notes his contrarian Iraq position.

8:42 - Romney says Governors do it right. Executive leadership is key, says he.

8:36 - Fred! says changes takes time and that we are spending the next generation's money. Giuliani unloads on Democrats' plans for change.

8:34 - McCain says he knows how to get Osama bin Laden. O RLY???

8:33 - McCain is proud and says exactly what he said already.

8:32 - Romney says change Washington with an outsider with Executive experience, just not Giuliani or Huckabee.

8:30 - McCain is proud he's a maverick. He's so damned proud.

8:28 - Fred! wants "a flatter tax" that could get passed. Mmm... Pragmatism-licious... Calls tax code a "66-page monstrosity".

8:26 - Giuliani defends workfare. Says "I love you more" to poor people. O RLY?

8:24 - Fred! and Huckabee have brief row about death tax. Huckabee says he wants to make rich people richer. Wow, talk about honesty.

8:22 - Clip of Huckabee saying they want a President like the guy they work with, not who laid them off. Huckabee sympathises with double-job workers and small-business owners. Regulation and litigation = teh suck.

8:20 - McCain concerned about "young people paying into the system".

8:18 - Romney is concerned about Fred!'s plan regarding middle- and lower-income individuals but agrees that higher earners should be indexed separately.

8:17 - Fred! says index wages for inflation.

8:16 - Fred! asked about taxes and reducing Social Security. Fred! wants to save Social Security by allowing for private accounts. Fred! +1

8:14 - Wallace jokes, "Who am I? Why am I here?" Asks Giuliani about tax policy. Response: "I made [supply-side economics] work." The overall tax burden on New Yorkers reduced 17%. Fact-checkers, get going! Rehashes George Will line, AGAIN.

8:12 - Romney assails Huckabee as to whether he raised taxes a half-billion dollars.

8:11 - "Facts are stubborn things," Romney says, echoing Reagan. Cross-talk with Huckabee and says he makes up facts. Mmm... First blood-licious...

8:10 - Huckabee notes his tax cuts and claims that less people actually paid taxes. Boasts about fixed deficit and roads. "I make Government work."

8:07 - Romney replies McCain basically has a crappy answer. McCain says that there is a reason he wasn't elected Miss Congeniality. Well, his hissy-fits against fellow Senators may be a reason.

8:06 - Wallace challenges McCain. Note economy grew with tax cuts even during disasters like Katrina. McCain notes earmarks and claims to have never used an earmark during his career.

8:05 - McCain says he wanted to cut taxes along with spending. Says profligate spending hurt Republicans in elections.

8:04 - Romney grilled on taxes. Stuff about raising fees and lowering taxes. Attacks John McCain for voting against Bush tax cuts. Notes Arkansas had a net tax increase under Mike Huckabee. Lays out plan to help the middle-class, which is apparently everyone earning less than $200,000.

8:00 - WHOO!

The 2007 Douche Bag of the Year Awards

DUN DUN DUNNNNN!!!!!

Welcome, one and all to The 2007 Douche Bag of the Year Awards!!! (Trademark pending)

We received many, many worthy entries, but there can be only one. Or two. As you shall see.

First, let's looks at some douche bags - in no particular order - who deserve mention but did not place in the pantheon of annual douche-bagdom. It's word if I say it is, people.

LOUISIANA DEMOCRATS AND THEIR ENABLERS
As we all know, or should know at least, Bobby Jindal was elected last October to succeed Louisiana Idiot/Governor Kathleen Blanco, whose ineptitude (admittedly combined with inaction at the Federal level) combined with the corrupt New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin (a former Republican, FYI) guaranteed that the Katrina disaster would be a debacle. Now, the plight of the people of the City on the Bayou is heart-wrenching, but here's a newsflash: These people chose to live eight feet below sea level. If you choose to live on the San Andreas fault and lose your home in an earthquake, should I be forced to pay for it? Hell, no. Those who have legitimate complaints and problems as a result of Government incompetence are not being attacked here. It is those who voted in these morons and even deigned to reëlect Ray Nagin yet attack the Federal Government who are our first runners-up for Douche Bag of the Year.

THE WESTBORO BAPTIST CHURCH
I could write a book about the hateful morons at the WBC, who claim that if you don't believe exactly like they do - and probably even if you do but are not "chosen" - you're going to Hell. Now, people are free to believe what they want. Most Christians - including myself - do not believe that all faiths are created equal and that you can believe whatever you want and expect to go to Heaven. BUT. Most Christians also don't go around with large neon placards reading GOD HATES FAGS and with pictures of stick-figures engaging in anal sex. They disgustingly claim that our brave fallen soldiers - who died defending our freedom - are now in Hell for "invading Babylon", and they picket their funerals causing undeserved grief for their mourning loved ones. For perverting God's message of love and spreading pure, unadulterated hate, the WBC are our second runners-up for Douche Bag of the Year.

SURGE NAY-SAYERS
Let me be honest: I originally opposed the surge. I thought that the Iraq War was rapidly descending into a Viet Nam-type situation and that more soldiers would only make the situation worse. I am happy to say that I was dead wrong. Though still fraught with peril, the Iraqi Theatre in the Global War on Terror has clearly improved, despite opinion polls to the contrary. The fact that so many political candidates and other prominent figures refuse to at least acknowledge that there has been a significant improvement on the ground is shameful and insults the hard work and sacrifice of our fighting men and women. They have changed their argument to fit their agenda, emphasising the need for a political solution over a military solution. That may very well be true, but it is a shameless dodge of the real issue at hand: The smashing success of General Petraeus' strategy. For refusing to give credit where it is due to further fragment the country and score political points, the Surge Nay-Sayers are our third runners-up for Douche Bag of the Year.

ANDREW MEYER
You all know who this is, even if you don't know his name. He's the "Don't Tase Me, Bro!" guy. It infuriated me just how many people came to his defence. The guy was hogging the microphone whilst using forbidden profanities and refused to leave once he had spent his allotted time. After attempts to remove him peaceably arrest him failed, an officer tased him to calm his crazy ass down. During his ride in the police car, Meyer reportedly laughed and told the officers that they had done nothing wrong. For being acting like a jackass and staging a publicity stunt that earned him much undeserved sympathy, Andrew Meyer is our fourth runner-up for Douche Bag of the Year.

ALAN KEYES AND THE DES MOINES REGISTER
A loud moron who was sacrificed to the Altar of Obama back in 2004, Alan Keyes decided that America had not heard enough of his idiocy and decided to run for President. During the awful, unproductive and just generally depressing Des Moines Register Republican debate, Keyes bitched that he was not given enough time but, in fact, got more time as a result of his constant requests for undeserved time. The fact of the matter is, Keyes did not qualify to participate in the debate because despite polling at 2%, he did not have a full-time campaign office established in Iowa. Dennis Kucinich and Mike Gravel, however, were forbidden from the Democratic debate the next day for not meeting the newspaper's standards. For being a loud, self-righteous prick and for trying to make the Republican field look more crazed than the Democrats, Alan Keyes and the Des Moines Register are our fifth runners-up for Douche Bag of the Year.

ANTI-SANTA JERKS
Santa is too fat. Santa offends women. Santa needs to help prevent global warming. LEAVE SANTA ALONE!!! HE'S A HUMAN!!! Seriously, though. I wrote piece about this idiocy for my college newspaper and will post it soon, so I will save the details for now, but until then, the Anti-Santa PC Police are our sixth runners-up for Douche Bag of the Year.

CHRIS CROCKER
When I first saw this whiny bitch on-line, I thought, "My, what a fugly chick." Then I found out it was a dude. This guy is so oblivious and self-centred, he once posted a video in which he said that Britney Spears' suffering was more important than remembering the 9/11 attacks. He is the epitome of what is wrong with YouTube: Talentless morons who get endless media exposure just because they know how to operate a video camera and weren't miscarried before birth. For being loud, dumb and undeservedly popular, Chris Crocker is our seventh runner-up for Douche Bag of the Year

WORLD DICTATORS PUTIN, AHMADINEJAD AND THAT FAT VENEZUELAN CLOWN
Personal freedoms quashed. Political opposition outlawed. Homosexuals hanged. Rape victims lashed. On and on. Nothing is more disgusting than the fact that these pitiful excuses for men are tolerated by so many on the Left and are routinely fêted as "speaking truth to power" (the latter two nimrods in particular). A homosexual class mate at my college recently tried to claim that the Iranian President's comments about there being homosexuals in Iran were somehow mistranslated, or at least misinterpreted, which as we all know, is patent bull-shit. He would be hanged if he lived there, although for being such an idiot, I would recommend it here, too. On and on and on. These dolts hold a frightening amount of power on the world stage, but they clearly should not. For their horrible policies both at home and abroad, Vladimir Putin, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Hugo Chàvez are our eighth runners-up for Douche Bag of the Year.

LEFT-WING HIT SITES
Media Matters for America is a Hillary Clinton-founded, George Soros-funded Democrat outfit that has no place determining national debate. From their take-down of Don Imus to their slander against Bill O'Reilly and Rush Limbaugh, MMFA has proven themselves unworthy of participating in the political process, no matter how often Keith Olbermann cites them without credit. Also on the chopping block is Newshounds, a blog that claims to "watch FOX so you don't have to", but doesn't. They are caught in lie after lie after lie, often with multiple spelling errors, yet they continue to be a popular source in the Left-wing blogosphere for anti-FNC rhetoric. I was banned from their comment boards for defending myself - and comments by those who correct their lies are regularly deleted. On MMFA, I left a comment that what is between a candidates ears, not his or her legs, would determine my vote. For attacking the Dark Queen, my comment was deleted, and I was placed on probation. Needless to say, many far more offensive comments against conservatives are not deleted. On a related note, my blogger friend, Sir Andrew, said that on the Ann Coulter forums, the moderators banned him and locked his birthday thread because he criticised Ann in a way that was clearly polite and by no means inflammatory. So, for being on-line jerk-wads and partisan political hacks, Left-Wing Hit Sites (and apparently the Ann Coulter forums, too) are our ninth runners-up for Douche Bag of the Year.

FRED THOMPSON'S MEDIA DETRACTORS
Let me say something right off the bat: Fred! has been a lousy campaigner. I love the guy. I really want him to be nominated and serve as President. But he just can't seem to shake his tired image. That having been said: The media have been unacceptably unfair to Fred! For one thing: Carl Cameron needs to be slapped. He mocked Fred!'s shoes as out-of-touch with Iowa voters and has claimed matter-of-factly that his debate performances are "lack-lustre". Politico floated a fake story that Fred! was dropping out. Clearly, there has been a concerted effort to kill Fred!'s candidacy. It is shameful and unprofessional. For their hatchet job of Fred!, the Media are our tenth runners-up for Douche Bag of the Year.

MILITANT ATHEISTS
Look, this is America. You are free to believe whatever the Hell you like. But the rhetoric of Richard Dawkins, Christopher Hitchens and the rest of their ilk has been unacceptable as of late. To claim as Dawkins has that teaching children about Christianity is comparable to sexual child abuse and that most intelligent people are atheists is intellectually lacking and uninformed. For making money off of defaming good people through hate, Militant Atheists are our eleventh runners-up for Douche Bag of the Year

ROSIE O'DONNELL
Fat fucking bitch. That is the most accurate description of her. She is a shameless 9/11 conspiracy-monger, a pro-abortion slanderer who claimed that Roman Catholic judges are incapable of fairly judging abortion cases (Newsflash! Justice Souter is an Episcopalian. The ECUSA is pro-abortion. Should he excuse himself because his religion mandates he be pro-abortion, hmmm?!) and is an overall talentless dolt who seriously needs a good pimp-slap. For being the prime example of a "celebrity douche bag", one of many "who bleed liberalism from their gaping anuses" as moxie put it, Rosie O'Donnell is our twelfth runner-up for Douche Bag of the Year.

LARRY SEIDLIN AND THE ANNA NICOLE FEEDING-FRENZY
Seidlin was the idiot judge who cried like a bitch when the case was decided. There was too much coverage of this already, so I will make this the shortest nomination. They are our thirteenth runner-up for Douche Bag of the Year.

MICHAEL BLOOMBERG AND THE MEDIA THAT LOVE HIM
Why the hell is this guy even being considered for the Presidency? He is a nanny-state liberal who makes Ross Perot and Ralph Nader look palatable. He keeps denying a Presidential run, and considering how bluntly he has said no, I am inclined to believe him, but the idiotic media (as if there were any other kind) keep asking the same tired question and getting the same tired answer. Bloomberg is a loser and a busy-body who should mind his business and go fall into a ditch somewhere and never come out. For being a nanny-state ninny and puffing up his futile potential Presidential run, Michael Bloomberg and his media lap-dogs are our fourteenth runners-up for Douche Bag of the Year.

LARRY CRAIG
Craig did nothing legally wrong. It was stupid that he was arrested for soliciting sex. That having been said, he is a public figure and should have known better than to act so foolishly and to go back on his word by refusing to resign after expressly stating that he would do so. So, for being an irresponsible, two-faced hack, Larry Craig is our fifteenth and FINAL runner-up for Douche Bag of the Year.

So, who won? Well, it was a tough call, so I split the vote into YOUR PICK and MY PICK for Douche Bag of the Year. It's only fair. You guys voted, and I have my own views, so, here is YOUR PICK for Douche Bag of the Year:

AL GORE
The text-book definition of a loser, Gore has decided that the world must now suffer through his idiotic rants about coming climate calamity. He refuses to debate the issue of anthropogenic global warming and declares the issue settled. Well, it isn't. And until Gore realises that and debates the issue like a big boy, he will for ever be a DOUCHE BAG.

Now, MY PICK for Douche Bag of the Year!

RON PAUL SUPPORTERS
Representing the bottom-most rung of the Innernets, Ron Paul supporters have single-handedly held the World Wide Web hostage by poll-spamming, demonising their opponents and turning just about every social networking site and YouTube into a giant Ron Paul meet-up spot. They all speak from the same tired script: "Dr. Paul is the last, best hope for America." "He is the ONLY candidate who will uphold the Constitution." "9/11 was an inside job committed by the JOOOOOS!!!" They are loud, obnoxious and probably virgins. (Shut up, I am by choice, dammit!) I do not mean to disparage the good, patriotic Americans who support Ron Paul out of the true goodness of their hearts - and they do exist. But the sad fact remains, Ron Paul supporters contain far too many conspiracy theorists, neo-Nazis and generally crazy people. It's a pity, really. Ron Paul is a good man. Unfortunately, his naïve positions on foreign policy make him unfit for the office of the Presidency. He does not understand the religious nature of the terrorists who fight us and focuses solely on the West's foreign policy blunders, of which there are many. It is a piteous thing that the only candidate with a near-perfect domestic policy (he's the only Republican running who wants to get the government out of the marriage business and to end the moronic War on Drugs) but has a foreign policy that makes George McGovern cream his shorts. Even if he were the perfect candidate, the behaviour of Ron Paul's supporters has been childish and annoying at best and brainwashed and offensive at worst. They are loud, brash and utterly unfit to engage in reasoned debate. They are Ron Paul supporters. And they are MY PICK for the first-ever...

DOUCHE BAGS OF THE YEAR

Thanks for playing! All participants will receive a one-way ticket to Hell if there is truly a just God.

HEY, ONE OUTTA TWO AIN'T BAD! OBAMA WINS.

Sen. Barack Obama, bidding to become the first black President, won the Iowa caucuses Thursday night, the opening test in the race for the 2008 Democratic nomination.

I'M WRONG! HUCKABEE WINS.

ABC News projects that former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee will be the winner of the Iowa Caucuses, beating out former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney in the two-man race for the Republican party's top spot in Iowa.

Primary predictions put punctilious pollsters on pin-points.

Hey, hey, hey!

Now, I know I don't have what one might call a great track record when it comes to predicting elections.

For the record, before I had a blog, I thought that President Bush would win about 53% of the vote and receive 300 Electoral votes. He won just under 51% and got 286 Electoral votes, with New Hampshire and Wisconsin going to Sen. John Kerry. (Although I have strong reason to suspect that Wisconsin only went Blue as a result of dirty tricks, such as Republican get-out-the-vote trucks' tires being slashed.)

Okay, neither party appears to have a clear front-runner in Iowa. Any chimp can figure that out, but here's how I see it:

For the Democrats!!!

Barack Obama wins. Why? He has momentum, baby. Clinton is falling fast, and the Left base of the party wants change through liberalism. She is part of the Old Guard and hawkish (for a Democrat) and may even place third if Silky does well. Also, I believe Obama's campaign when they say he is a popular second choice. With a high number of undecideds and soft support for certain candidates, Obama could very well pull off an upset against Mrs. Inevitable. Dennis Kucinich has even told his supporters to make Obama their second choice. Finally, the Des Moines Register, which apparently has an excellent track record on these races, puts Obama up by six, so there.

Now, for the Republicans!!!

Ron Paul. Just kidding. I think that Mitt Romney will get it by a squeaker. Huckabee's recent surge in the polls has disappeared following a harsh spat with Romney, and the Real Clear Politics average shows a growing trend in favour of the former Massachusetts Governor. Now, the Register claims that Huck is in the lead, but this race is so volatile, I wouldn't be surprised if they were dead wrong. The Republicans are far more dissatisfied with their field than the Democrats, so their opinions of their party's prospective nominees are not as strongly or highly held. Oh, and as for Fred! I think that he may get third if his last-minute blitz holds. If not, McCain snags the bronze.

Whew! With that out of the way, let me announce that after tomorrow, I will attempt to post the "winners" of the 2007 Douche Bag of the Year Awards. Until then, you stay classy, blogosphere.