Live-Blogging President Obama's address to Congress.

10:33 - Jindal blasts the bill as unread by Congress and unseen by the people. He attacks the Republican Party for straying from its principles. Jindal gives props to America's successes over slavery, depression and war and says our best days are ahead, not behind us. It's ovah. Watch analysis; I'll be in my trailer.

10:27 - Jindal talks about how Government regulation hindered rescuing people in rising flood waters, then shifts to how the stimulus bill is full of pork, discusses alternative energy and drilling, more affordable health care, makes the case for charter AND parochial schools, citing his record as Louisiana Governor.

10:24 - REPUBLICAN RESPONSE: Bobby Jindal comes forward and works his mojo. He gave Obama his history-making props. Jindal mentions his background, being the son of Indian immigrants. He calls for bipartisanship.

10:06 - For some reason, Obama saying not everyone has agreed with him thus far is a laugh line. Closing remarks. FUN FACT: Obama was interrupted 65 times for applause. FUNNER FACT: The speed with which we learnt this proves that FOX News literally has someone assigned to count each applause line.

10:02 - Ordinary Americans are TEH AWESOME. Let me profile a bunch of specifically selected people who are sitting in the chamber tonight! One of them is a girl sitting with First Lady Michelle. Mrs. Obama looks much less Grinchy tonight.

9:59 - I'm closing Gitmo, and we will be safe! ... It makes total sense! Oh, and we don't torture.

9:58 - We honour our veterans' service, even in this stupid, stupid war.

9:57 - We will responsibly end this war. Camera shows McCain saying something snarky to Susan Collins. Heh.

9:55 - 95% of working families will get a tax cut! (under breath) But since businesses will all go bankrupt you won't have anywhere to spend it.

9:54 - Remember, free trade is BAD. Tax cuts for outsourcing businesses are EVIL.

9:52 - Obama gets booed for lying that the stimulus is free of ear-marks.

9:51 - Hey, parents, be responsible, dipshits!

9:50 - Orrin Hatch and Ted Kennedy rule - for some reason.

9:49 - By 2020, America will have the highest proportion of college graduates in the world! If you are willing to serve your country, you WILL GET A HIGHER EDUCATION, DAMMIT.

9:47 - Education needs reform: We need to be committed to charter schools. Every American should seek at least one year of higher education. Dropping out of high school is quitting on your country.

9:44 - This is like the 27th historical reference Obama has made: Teddy Roosevelt supported reform, like, 100 years ago, and we need universal health care within a year!

9:43 - WE NEED UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE! WE MUST SEEK A CURE FOR CANCER IN OUR TIME. AND FLY WITH UNICORNS.

9:40 - CARBON IS EVIL. WE MUST DESTROY IT.

9:38 - Alternate energy! I choose you!

9:36 - We laid rails during the Civil War! I'm Lincoln, DAMMIT!!!

9:35 - Debt kills schools! I inherited lots of problems! Everyone must do stuff to fix this!

9:32 - We have to govern responsibly, hate Wall Street executives and help small business owners. DIE WALL STREET DIEEEE

9:30 - More populist rhetoric about how corporate executives are EEEEEVIL.

9:28 - So, yeah, we're going to help the private sector somehow. We will help responsible families refinance their houses and lower their mortgages.

9:25 - OH MY GOD - THEY JUST GAVE BIDEN A STANDING OVATION. Well, we know they aren't all in wheelchairs. God, Biden is an idiot.

9:23 - This bill will create 3.5 million new jobs - 90% in the private sector - including building roads. Wait, isn't that a public sector job by nature? I is confoosed.

9:22 - Let's get back jobs! I'm not for bigger Government, I'm for getting rid of debt through overreaching Government intervention!

9:20 - America has lots of sucky, crappy things. We import too much oil, our schools suck and oh, by the way, Bush's policies sucked, just so you know.

9:18 - Obama personalises his address and is all like, "Your kid can't go to college, and that sucks. But America will get better, or something!"

9:16 - Awkward moment - Obama starts speaking, then Pelosi interrupts him by introducing him. Obama introduces his wife, to even more thunderous applause.

9:14 - HE'S FINALLY AT THE FUCKING PODIUM. QUIT THANKING EVERYONE AND GIVE THE DAMN SPEECH.

9:12 - Annnnnd he's still walking towards the podium.

9:10 - THERE WE GO. Here comes da Prez!

9:07 - HOLY CRAP START DAMMIT - I know Obama isn't a very timely politician, for the love of God, START SPEAKING, BARRY.

9:05 - Whew! Almost missed it! Let's do this thing!